sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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