is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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