Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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