She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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