the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
