Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
