So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
