is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
