Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize