while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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