from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
