is wine microwaveable?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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