I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
