dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
