fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize