I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
