You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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