WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I met the friendliest cop last night
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
