Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
