Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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