Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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