After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
