It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
