It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I still have a little drunk in my system
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
