Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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