and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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