We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
