so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
