The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize