I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
