Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize