Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
