My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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