giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's blow job season.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
