From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
