College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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