i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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