Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
