did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
