he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
