You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
