I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize