I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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