Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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