She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
