the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
