I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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