I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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