i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
