I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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