My balls are so social today.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize