whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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