there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
