You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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