right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
