he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
