Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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