He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
