she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
