Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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