he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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