he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
