For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize