you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
