You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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