She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
