just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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