I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
