I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
