I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
