im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
