I saw his package. It spoke to me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
