I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
