cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
