i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
