Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize