i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize