I'm going to jail i love you
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
