So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
