I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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