did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
4 words: hood of his car
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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