Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
