im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
how does that bad decision feel?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
