Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He kissed a someone with a penis
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
