Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
