I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
