K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
