If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
