I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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