RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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